With all the valuable lessons I learned last year, you'd think I would have crushed my new year's resolutions for 2015.
Well, not exactly.
Actually, I didn't complete a single one.
This is unprecedented for me, I think--most years, I complete at least half my resolutions, and there have been a few notable years when I've completed every single last thing I set out to do. And while some of my resolutions last year were out of my control (like the running one), most were very much within my control . . . but I just let them slip through my fingers.
The past two weeks while on holiday I found myself looking back a lot, something that I hadn't done for awhile. And even though I know I am extraordinarily blessed, I finally allowed myself to admit that the past couple years have been kind of tough. I don't know why that's so hard for me to say--maybe because I feel selfish allowing myself to feel upset or sad when so many other people have it so much worse? Maybe because sometimes, I feel like if I just had a little more faith or just were a little bit better or did things a little bit differently, I wouldn't be having a tough time? Or maybe because most of the time (seriously, at least 80% or more) I feel pretty content and happy, so it seems frivolous to focus on the other 20%?
Whatever the reason, I haven't allowed myself, even in the midst of various trials, to just allow myself to come out and say that it was tough and that sometimes I got tired of dealing with it.
And while that sounds an awful lot like an excuse for why I didn't complete my goals last year (and really, I guess it kind of is), it nevertheless helps to explain why last year, I basically crashed and burned with my resolutions.
In all honesty, I'm not too bent out of shape about it, though--I still made progress on all the goals, and I have a shiny new blank slate in this new year. Sometimes all it takes is a new beginning to breathe a little hope and motivation into you, ya know?
Here were my goals last year though (see the original post on them here):
*Read 5 books off the Newbery Awards list, 5 books off the 1,001 Books You Must Read Before You Die list, and 5 books off the 100 Most-Recommended Classics list.
I almost made it halfway through this goal--I ended up with 3 books off the Newbery list, 2 books off the 1,001 Books list, and 2 books off the Classics list. Near the end of the year though, I realized that I was starting to kind of dread reading many of the recommended books I was picking up and "sneaking" other books instead, and I am now questioning whether or I should keep reading off of recommended reading lists period (a post on this will probably follow at some point). It's kind of a major dilemma going on in my head at the moment, actually.
*Work my way back into running and sign up for at least a 10K by the end of the year.
To my credit, I did what I could on this one, but I was pretty limited (doctor's orders) on what I could do with my running (although, in all fairness, I at least asked permission to run a 10K in November, but I was not granted leave to do so by the doc treating my AI disease). I did, however, make significant progress--when I started running again after having a baby, I could *barely* squeeze out a straight mile of "running," but I can now run about 3.5 miles without stopping and at a pace over two minutes faster than what I was doing right after having the baby (and only about a minute off of my previous mile time). So, slowly but surely...
*Finish the Old Testament.
Sigh. I SO wanted to say I completed this one, but I'm still about 150 pages shy. Oh well---I should, at the pace I'm going at, be really and truly completed with this one by March at the latest.
*Index 10,000 names.
This one started out on such a promising note for the first 4 months of the year (when I was still pregnant) and then crashed and burned the second I had Raven. I didn't even hit 5,000 names last year. Poop.
*Set monthly goals related to a different focus.
Considering that I was the most excited about this resolution, I find it ironic that it's the one I gave up on the earliest in the year. From April on, I never bothered with this one again. However, you can see what my monthly focuses were for January, February, and March, if you wish. I think I just lost momentum on this one and felt silly starting up again randomly.
(Note: don't worry--the baby was only outside for all of about two minutes dressed like that)
All my failed resolutions aside, however, I am feeling enormously motivated and hopeful at the start of this new year. Maybe it's partly due to the fact that I'm physically feeling so great now that I've been on my elimination diet for over three weeks, but I finally feel like I have the energy to really push myself again.
Post on my 2016 resolutions to follow. Stay tuned!