I made a comment today that pregnancy has made me feel like a completely different person--one I've never met before, and one I'm definitely not used to. If you had asked me before to describe myself in 3 words, one word that I would ALWAYS include on the list would be "motivated."
Pregnancy has changed that word.
Even though I'm officially in the second trimester and feeling a bit more energetic and a lot less sick, I have found that the shift in priorities that came three months ago is still in effect--
Before, I spent an inordinate amount of time and energy worrying about the presentability of my apartment, my weight and overall fitness level, my to-do lists, my wardrobe, how many books I'd finished that month, the level of traffic on this here blog, etc. It's like I had this constant mental picture of what I wanted my life to be like and was constantly measuring myself against it to see if I was there or not.
(I'll let you in on a secret--I was rarely measuring up to where I thought I should be.)
The waning energy levels and morning sickness of last trimester made me quickly realize that I couldn't care about all that as much anymore. I no longer had the energy for much housework or extra grooming, to-do lists become somewhat of a joke, and--irony of ironies--reading makes this here English teacher feel even sicker to her stomach than usual, so I haven't touched a book in months.
My non-pregnant brain never could have grasped this level of un-motivated-ness. I would have judged myself for my complete and utter lack of concern about all the things I "should" be doing to keep up with outer appearances.
Now, I am in this almost-blissful state where I simply pour my energy into the most essential tasks for each day, and I let myself go for the rest of it.
It's pretty liberating, actually.
Now, this is not to say I haven't been busy--I'm still putting in 50+ hours at the school to take care of all my teaching responsibilities, and in addition, I've been putting 10-15 hours a week into my photography business. I also got a new church calling (I'm in the stake young women presidency now), and I try to pull myself together enough to make sure that Matt doesn't feel neglected through all this.
And even though listing all of it out like that makes it seem like an exhaustive amount of work, just the fact that I've allowed myself to just go easy on myself for the rest of the things in my life has made it all seem do-able. In fact, I haven't felt this relaxed about life in general since before I started my teaching job.
So even though pregnancy is still not my favorite, I have it to thank for this newfound loosening up.